running alone

spring arrived as if on cue. sunday it had given the cold and overcast finger to 20,000 people who were in the park to celebrate the traditional first day of spring. but then at 6:40 monday am, according to the weatherman, the planets rotated click into the “spring” formation, the sun and the wind cooperated, and here I am running in shortsleeves.

i’ve been running since i was 13, first with my dad and then with a string of others: first it was the big fat track star Shawn Wolfgram, the fastest high-schooler in the state, then four years with my running partner/nemesis Chris Garza… after college it was another Mexican who kicked my ass back into shape, and then in buenos aires I spent a couple months trying to keep up with little Mattie Godzala, who won the Marathon-at-the-End-of-the-World in March.

there’s always somebody, is what i’m saying, first of all someone to call me up, to get me out the door, to poke me with guilt or motivation or what-have-you. when we’re running they help make everything a bit less lonely, if only to hear another pair of feet next to me, to hear someone else’s breathing.

the other thing running partners do is they make me run fast. no matter how out of shape i am, their presence makes my feet go faster and usually theirs too. it’s like this beautiful positive feedback loop, some kind of finely tuned animal instincts that take over. i think the only way i ever get in really good shape is running alongside someone else.

but today i am running alone. this past (southern-hemisphere) winter, what with the weather and my job and my too-old running shoes, i didn’t run much and got soft and out of shape. today my body doesn’t remember what it was like when i was running with Mattie in the middle of summer, sun and sweat beating down on us, muscles all in order, effortless. now my legs stumble, muscles fighting against each other, my brain rusty, doubting.

i want to tell my body it can. i want to remind it that going a bit faster is possible. i try all sorts of tricks: i focus on runners or bikers in front of me. i make Shakira songs run through my head. i pretend the finish is the next corner, then the next. but alone, my body resists, my brain thinks up excuses, and i finish my daily loop at the same pace as the day before.

today the sun effortlessly brought me the first day of spring, discarded all winter’s old baggage and bang, 75 degrees. i want my life to be like that, for everything to click in place just so. i want to wake up one morning and find i’ve learned to do it alone, me and the trail, no excuses, as fast as i can.

my spring will be when i learn to run alone.

previously there was Dangerous parallels?
afterwards you have Guatemala before the Commission

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